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Christmas Miracle – SNL

Perry Levin100 Comments


>>>I’M DR. BETHEL FROM YALE.
THIS IS CARDINAL HANSON. AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, YOU ARE OF
GREAT INTEREST TO BOTH THE SECULAR AND RELIGIOUS
COMMUNITIES.>>WE BELIEVE YOU HAVE HAD A
GENUINE ENCOUNTER WITH THE REAL SANTA CLAUS.
>>THIS IS NUTS, MAN. I MEAN, WE’RE JUST REGULAR
PEOPLE WHO HEARD FOOT STEPS ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND NOW WE’RE A
CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.>>INDEED.
TELL US WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOU AWOKE.
>>ME AND MY GIRL WOKE UP AND SANTA CLAUS WAS STANDING IN THE
LIVING ROOM, REAL AS RAIN.>>HE SAID, COME WITH ME TO THE
NORTH POLE. JUST LIKE THAT WE WERE ON HIS
SLEIGH WITH THE REINDEER AND EVERYTHING.
>>MIRACULOUS.>>AND YOU, MS. RAFFERTY?
>>WELL, A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME.
I’M CRASHING IN THEIR GUEST ROOM.
I CAME DOWN STAIRS LATER. I WAS MET BY A NINE FOOT TALL
GOAT MAN NAMED CRINKLE MOUSE. HE POINTS A HOOF AT ME AND GOES
LIKE THIS. [ GRUNTING ]
I GET THE HINT THAT I SHOULD COME WITH.
>>YOU WERE TAKEN TO SANTA’S SLEIGH?
>>NO. NO, NO, NO.
CRINKLE MOUSE TRAVELS BY DOG SLED.
WHICH SOUNDS FUN BUT THEN HE STRAPS A HARNESS ON ME, THROWS
ME IN WITH THE FREAKING DOG TEAM.
THESE DOGS DON’T FLY, THEY RUN. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T RUN AS
FAST AS A DOG, YOU’RE RIGHT. A MINUTE IN I FALL, GET DRAGGED
FOR A MILE OVER A FOREST FLOOR AND MY SWEATS GET YANKED OFF.
NOW THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN THE GROUND AND MY COOTER AND TOOTER.
WASN’T THE WORST TIME I HAVE HAD ON ALL FOURS.
>>FASCINATING. WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU ARRIVED
AT THE NORTH POLE?>>WELL, IT SOUNDS CRAZY.
WE WERE TAKEN TO SANTA’S WORKSHOP.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. IT SMELLED LIKE GINGERBREAD.
MY BEARD STILL SMELLS LIKE IT, MA’AM.
>>YEAH. MRS. CLAUS CAME OUT WITH MUGS OF
HOT COCOA. WARMED MY TUMMY AND MY HEART.
>>WHAT? THESE TWO WERE IN A DISNEY
MOVIE. MEANWHILE, CRINKLE MOUSE TAKES
ME TO THE REINDEER STABLES. HE HANDS ME A SHOVEL.
HE GOES, YOU WORK. ALSO I HAD THE PLEASURE OF
MEETING THE MISSUS, MRS. CRINKLE MOUSE WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE A RAM
THAN A GOAT. SHE’S EITHER JEALOUS OR A LEZ
BECAUSE SHE STARTS RAMMING MY KNOCKER LIKE — PARDON ME,
SHARON. SHE’S GOING —
>>THAT’S ENOUGH. THEY GET IT.
THEY GET IT.>>AND WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IN THE
WORKSHOP?>>WELL, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO
BELIEVE ME, BUT THE ELVES CAME OUT.
WE ALL SANG SONGS.>>THERE WERE A BUNCH OF CHUBBY
GUYS IN FUN HATS WITH CUTE TOES AND NOSES.
>>THE STABLES HAVE ONE ELF. HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE GOLLUM.
SMELLED LIKE A HARD-BOILED EGG AND THIS LITTLE BASTARD’S NAME
WAS SHART.>>OKAY.
DID HE ALSO SING AND DANCE?>>NO, NO.
HE’S IN CHARGE OF THE REINDEER, RIGHT?
HE TELLS ME IT’S TIME TO CHECK THEM FOR WORMS.
CUT TO I’M HOLDING ONTO A LADY REINDEER KEEPING HER STEADY
WHILE SHART IS POKING AROUND. THESE REINDEER CAN FLY SO WHEN
SHE BUCKS I’M 20, 30 FEET OFF THE GROUND AND STILL ROCKING
ZERO PANTS HERE. SO MY HOG TAKER AND LOG MAKER
ARE ON FULL DISPLAY. LET’S JUST SAY I UNDERSTAND WHY
CRINKLE MOUSE AND COMPANY AREN’T SHOWING UP ON ANY COCA-COLA
CHRISTMAS CANS.>>GOD, I DON’T THINK YOU HAD AS
GOOD A TIME AS WE DID.>>OH, YEAH, DOUG?
YEAH?>>HOW WERE YOU RETURNED HOME?
>>WELL, SANTA SPRINKLED MAGIC DUST AND THE WHOLE WORKSHOP
DISSOLVED AROUND US.>>THEN WE WERE BACK IN OUR
LIVING ROOM, CHRISTMAS MORNING. WE WENT RIGHT OUT AND LOADED UP
THE FLAT BED WITH CHRISTMAS HAM FOR THE POOR, CAME HOME THAT
NIGHT AND MADE TENDER LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIX YEARS.
>>THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
>>YEAH, SO DOES SHART. BECAUSE WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR ME
TO GO CRINKLE MOUSE HANDS HIM A MAGIC STICK AND THIS SON OF A
BITCH STEPS UP TO THE PLATE AND CRACKS ME IN THE BACK OF THE
KNEE WITH IT. I DISSOLVE INTO A CLOSED BANK OF
AMERICA 15 MILES FROM MY HOUSE. AND I TRIPPED SOME SORT OF ALARM
SO THE COPS SHOW UP AND MIND YOU, I AM STILL PANTSLESS.
NOW I’M SPENDING CHRISTMAS MORNING IN THE BACK OF A SQUAD
CAR WITH MY GRASSY KNOLL AND MY GASSY HOLE HANGING OUT.
I’M THINKING, DAMN IT, COLLEEN, YOU’RE BECOMING YOUR MOTHER.
>>REMARKABLE. DO YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER SEE
THESE SPIRITS AGAIN?>>NO.
BUT I FEEL ST. NICK IN MY HEART.>>YEAH, I SEE HIM WHENEVER I
SEE A CHILD SMILE.>>YEAH, I SMELL HARD-BOILED
EGGS, SO SHART CAN’T BE TOO FAR OFF.
I THINK THAT LITTLE BASTARD FOLLOWED ME HOME.
OH, BOY. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO FEED
THAT THING? [ APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪

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100 thoughts on “Christmas Miracle – SNL”

  2. Elf that looked exactly like galom, smells like hard boiled eggs & the lil bastards names is Shart……🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭 Classic

    Reply

  3. I swear to god , this little bastards name is shart, My girlfriend keeps telling me to shut up because I can’t stop laughing

    Reply

  6. her impression of krampus (a.k.a. krinkle mouse) is spot on , this opinion is very accurate coming from a litte german child

    Reply

  14. Kate kinda reminds me of Ron white! Especially when she said "if you think you can't run as fast as a dog, you're right" I just love her

    Reply

  18. I have watched these skits over and over it's funny watching for a few reasons but the biggest one being watching the characters try really really hard to not crack up

    Reply

  22. SHART!!! He followed me home… What am I going to feed that thing!!??☠️⚰️🥀☠️

    Reply

  29. I love seeing her pussy all smushed up in those jeans, shes still sexy even when they try to make her gross. Nice fat pussy lips yum yum yum

    Reply

  30. Poor millennials. This is humor for you. You idiots think disparaging women and having sophomoric takes on their genitalia is humorous. I guess it’s justifiable, though. There’s never been a nastier nor more disgusting group of females than your generation’s (enter Alexandria Nasty Whoretez). All of your women are nasty whores with hygiene issues and that’s who will serve as the mothers of your ugly assed, weird, buck toothed and Godless children. Forget about Christmases and Thanksgivings. All of those things are paled by the focus on your filthy women. Great job. You should all go home and shoot yourselves while you whine and cry and pray someone else will pay for your $150,000 worthless English/political science/public administration/women’s studies/18th century French poetry degrees.

    Reply

  32. I can't think of a more talented snl cast member than kate mckinnon. Even the biggest classic names who have gone on to build their own comedic empires took their entire career to hit the range of characters that mckinnon often does in one episode- if they ever do. There's just no one else who so fully feels like a new character in every skit.

    Reply

  35. "The Lord works in mysterious ways"
    "Yeah so does 'Shart'."
    ROTFLMAO!!! And this is NOT the first time I've watched this. And yes…go watch other versions of this set up like the Alien abduction. This crew is ALWAYS HILARIOUS! Bang on!!
    😂😂😂😂😂

    Reply

  43. The Ms Rafferty sketches are all the only SNL sketches to make me cry-laugh (aside from the John Mulaney episodes)

    Reply

  44. I envision a writer somewhere with a cigarette clenched in his teeth.. throwing an idea over his shoulder….. crack ……hitting it out of the park every time….

    Reply

  54. Anytime someone says to me “the lord works in mysterious ways” I’m gonna say “yeah so does shart”

    Reply

  63. Everyone always compliments Kate’s hilarious acting skills and I’m not saying she isn’t incredible but Cecily is also quite good and soooooo beautiful! 😍😍xx

    Reply

  65. Would have been epic if church lady was doing the questioning isn't that special👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

    Reply

  74. “Yeah, I smell hard boiled egg so Shart can’t be too far off. I think that little bastard followed me home.”

    I love snl

    Reply

  82. 1 Paranormal Occurrence – SNL

    My fuzzy and my scuzzy
    My baby tunnel and my gravy funnel
    My "Please hump it" and cheeze trumpet

    2 Near-Death Experience – SNL

    Fun bun and mud gun
    My drainer and my stainer

    3 Close Encounter – SNL

    My coot coot and prune chute

    4 Another Close Encounter – SNL

    My bush and my tush
    My taco and my choco
    My pink pocket and my stink rocket

    5 Christmas Miracle – SNL

    My cooter and my tooter
    My hog taker and my log maker
    My grassy knoll and my gassy hole

    6 A Journey Through Time – SNL

    My cooter and my tooter
    My clam casino and my bean burrito

    Reply

  83. I kind of wanted her to run into Krampus.

    He is the terrifying German version of Santa.

    Look him up for some nightmares

    Reply

  84. Oh my gosh . . .
    Shatt was creepy as $#@%!
    Kate McKinnon always delivers on her role! Love her so much!

    Reply

  89. am I Crazy
    .. or is that Casey Affleck? Kate Mc Kinon And Cecily Strong… aren't They Really FUNNY.?? Is the magic dust ….WEED? Donald J. Trump should inhale exhale AND repeat.

    Reply

  90. #vote 4 A nut.

    Donald J. Trumph..
    tri ads RULE. Married one Time. Enough SAID. otherwise..
    You shut up Weasel. Love… Your future grandson…Erik Jr. / dude really? not on this PLANET. I wish I could vote but I like Women AND CHILDREN (. butthole.) keep your shit up and SEE what happens.

    Reply

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