The Non-Trademark-Infringing International Competition Finals – @midnight with Chris Hardwick


It’s been a wild week here
in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil where we definitely are with our comedians
fighting tooth and nail for a spot in tonight’s final
at the non-trademark-infringing, coincidentally
Olympic-style tournament. -Please don’t sue us.
-(laughter) Already this week,
we’ve eliminated a Russian, learned how much Canadians sweat and suspended a competitor
for doping. (laughter) -(applause)
-A very dramatic… Very dramatic week. Now we’re left with three of
the world’s greatest comedians going head-to-head to see
who will bring home the gold and who will
just bring home Zika. (laughter) They’re gonna take it home
and spread it. -Gonna be the zombie apocalypse.
-(laughter) Figure out which loved ones
you’d have to take out when they get it first. Then look around and figure out who you’d have
to repopulate with -once the zombie apocalypse
starts. -(cheering) Don’t worry. The zombie
apocalypse will prevent a Trump presidency. (applause and cheering) Let’s meet our finalists. First up,
representing Great Britain, the nation that brought us
movies you go see with your mom, and charming ways
to say the word (bleep)– it’s Gina Yashere. (grand orchestral theme plays) (applause and cheering) Next up, representing Germany, a proud nation,
but not too proud, ’cause they know it makes you
nervous– Flula Borg! (applause and cheering) Hello. Hi. HARDWICK:
Oh, you’re on the, uh… Yeah. And finally,
representing Uzbekistan, a nation probably known
for its… hats… and let’s just say autumn
goat festivals probably– Milana Vayntrub! (applause and cheering) Comedians,
now that you are within reach of bringing your nation
eternal glory, how will your home countries
celebrate your victory? -Gina.
-Well, obviously, I’m from Great Britain,
and we give back. So, when I win… (giggles) …uh, we will be giving out
free English lessons -to all Americans.
-(laughter) -HARDWICK: What?
-Yes. (applause and cheering) -Yes. It’s…
-HARDWICK: What the hell? Listen, you’ve bastardized
the language. It’s “herb,” not “‘erb.” It’s “herb!” HARDWICK:
All right, uh, Flula Borg? Oh, uh, sorry, Chris. Actually,
we are still not allowed to celebrate anything, so… -(laughter)
-HARDWICK: Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. (applause and cheering) Milana Vayntrub. Uh, we’ll celebrate the same way
we do everything, Chris–

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13 thoughts on “The Non-Trademark-Infringing International Competition Finals – @midnight with Chris Hardwick

  1. Fuck you Comedy Central for canceling Larry Wilmore. Trevor Noah doesn't even compare. I will be blocking Comedy Central on my TV, it's the least I can do. Again, fuck you.

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